Say goodbye to Saturday.

The Drinkable Meal Of Breakfast

I’ve always had a thing for fire there is plenty of evidence of that this directly influences my stance on the Bloody side of the line for brunch. Like many hot-heads, I’m certain, Bloodys were an early influence on me and it should be no surprise that many many years later some of the first drinks I conjured up on my own involve a kick of spice in some sort of fashion. Whether she be Maria or Mary, a Red Snapper, Ninja, the dragon’s Mary Jane, a Michelada or a Bull, I, most certainly f@#ks with it. So with the Final Four going on yesterday afternoon in New Orleans (where I’ve enjoyed more than my delicious share of Bloody’s in the Spotted Cat on Frenchman and Port Of Call on Esplanade…maybe, it’s hard to remember. It is New Orleans), and a found bottle of vodka, I whipped some up for the brother Garcia and I. So we’re talking Mary here, but this mixture can be applied to most of em, most certainly not a Michelada though.

This cup falls in the category of drinks that are very easy to make and almost easier to make poorly; varying spirits change the naming, but really, it’s all about your mix. For example, vodka combined with a store-bought mixer over ice is nonsense, the product of pure laziness. Consider: dude named Fernand Petiot, or simply Pete, came up with this joint in the 1920’s in Paris at Harry’s New York Bar, a spot Hemingway famously frequented. These statements are all generally agreed on. In The Joy Of Mixology Gary Regan dates it at 1934 when it came stateside cause dude re-located to mix in the King Cole Room of the St. Regis Hotel, introducing the Bloody Mary as equal parts vodka and tomato juice to NYC. This is damn near 80 years ago young. Dude figured this out 80 damn years ago. Any Bloody made with purchased mix seems so uninspired considering this. A bartender who makes you one in this manner is as wrong as a brunch spot charging 15 bucks a plate and not offering bottomless drinks. That’s not right like that isn’t brunch.

Click to drool.

Being a day time, or breakfast/brunch drink, Bloody’s get the hair of the dog rep, which I personally am a believer in. Bloodys have been believed in since the days of prohibition (booo), and eating some frigging hair of the diseased mutt that bit ya to escape the venom has been believed in since Roman times. Whether it makes ya feel better by soaking up yesterday’s toxins or by the mixing of day-old and fresh spirits lifts your own, I base the following Bloody off these beliefs:

1. Do not drink unless the sun is up.

-3pm is the last acceptable time to order one. Fine. I’ll give you 4pm if it’s someone in the industry ordering it. I should mention, my own father sips these at the bar while he waits for his table at dinner to be ready.

2. To merely hide vodka without affording taste is stupid.

-uninspired. Cheap out on the booze, not the effort.

Click My Bruddah

3. When in doubt add some more.

-why not? spice=good. it’s not a f@#ckin mimosa.

That being said, try and go easy on the hot sauce. This is where my affinity for spice got me in trouble in the past; dousing everything in the red stuff is really not ideal (poor poor butthole). Allow the actual spices you are adding to do their thing–even the rim of the glass and the garnishes can play a leading role in this drink.

Below I list 2 recipes –both my own, it’s changed so much over the years. I consider it a Bloody Mary mix primarily although it marries so nicely together from the ingredients in a Bloody Bull made famous by Brennan’s in New Orleans. The first recipe makes for a reasonable batch to keep in your fridge and the second is for making one off at a time. There are a million and a half variations of these and you shouldn’t be scared to try any of them that sound right for your taste; they all are relatively cheap to make and easy to dispose of if you don’t love ’em (gulp, see my brother in law). Bacon grease really plays to the hair of the dog soak-up school of thought, some basil (fresh or dried shake) really changes the drink in a delightful way, omitting lime juice or subbing soy for worcestershire, less tomato and add some clamato, all twists and riffs worth experimenting with. But this should be the base recipe that you use most with your own adjustments for taste:

No Bullshit Bloody Mary Mix

2 qts Tomato Juice (4 oz)

1 1/2 cubes (1 qt) Beef bouillon (Stock broth) (1/3 cube or 2 oz)

1-2 oz Tobasco Cayenne Pepper Sauce (2/3 dashes)

3 oz  Worcestershire Sauce   (8-9 dashes)

6 tbsp Horseradish (1 tsp)

3 tbsp  Black Pepper (2-3 dashes)

3 tbsp  Celery Salt  (2-3 dashes)

1 tbsp Cayenne Pepper (1 dash)

8 oz (1 cup)  Lime Juice  (1 oz)

4 oz (1/2 cup) Lemon Juice (1/2 oz)

What your going for is spice and flavor, in the front and the back of the drink. It should be thick and salty with an almost sour zest hidden amongst the spices. In the back of your throat and in your sinuses it will be most satisfying when done right.

For the batch: Combine all ingredients in pot, cambro, or jug. Stir thoroughly, preferably with a whisker or that plastic spoon thang with holes in it. Stir that ish hard making sure to break down the bouillon if you used a cube and separating the horseradish (you should be able to see a wash that is colored of all the ingredients against the red ocean). Do not, by any f@#cking means add any spirit to this mix, unless it is in a glass over ice. In that case, use 2 oz spirit and top with this mix into a rimmed pint or collins glass (seriously, go for the pint).

Click for full sad face

For the one off: Some say build these in the glass, stir and garnish. Again, to me this seems lazy. Preferably you should combine all ingredients with 2 oz of spirit and ice in a mixing tin. Shake that, again, hard enough to break down and separate, and strain with a boston strainer into a rimmed pint or collins glass. Surriously, sack up.

Glass rim: I’ve seen kosher salt, Old Bay seasoning, and celery salt. These all work the salty trick which is why you don’t serve this one with a straw. The rim I recommend (and is pictured) is a combination that is a base of kosher salt, cayenne pepper, celery salt and crushed red pepper flakes. Mix these together on a small dish, wipe a lime wedge across the rim of a glass and twirl the edge of the rim of the glass in an almost wiping motion across the plate.

Garnish: Standard I would say is a celery stalk, lemon wedge, lime wedge and two olives skewered on a toofpick. I like a half-sour cocktail onion too, or (as pictured since I didn’t have any olives or onions), a pepperocini and a baby dill pickle. I’ve seen spiced green beans (San Francisco), okra (New Orleans), and a bacon strip (Washington, DC, now everywhere kind of), even kimchi (1110 ba-bay!). Get creative. Anything pickled, crunchy or salty is dope. But keep the basics there too, it’s the easiest way for your guests to tip your mix exactly to their liking.